One reminder though, these tools will help you to a large extent but it’s facing the situation as many times as possible, is what makes you a master at that. So lets have the tools that I am talking about.
Everyone knows about the book How to Win Friends and Influence, written approximately 100 years ago but still so relevant. It says that a person’s success in life is determined 85 percent by their ability to lead others, and only 15 percent by what people know. There is absolutely no place where this statement is more evident than when it comes to communication.
In order to lead people, you must have enough self-confidence to put yourself last as you serve other people. Therefore, it is essential to understand the process of developing self-confidence if you want to be an effective communicator. If you need to communicate with someone and you are feeling hesitant, there are some tricks that you can use to appear more confident when communicating.
Let us have a look at the some of the important steps to develop self-confidence.
You do not have to have the newest clothes, costliest or fanciest of them. But pay special attention that they are well cared for as it is a great way to show others how much you care about your appearance. Also pay special attention to the occasion, event or target audience. For example in a sales meeting you need to wear formals.
For an occasion like wedding you can wear traditional dress or a formal suite to lay the foundation where you feel confident about your appearance.
Change your stride
How you walk can influence how you are seen. Whether you walk slightly faster than you do already or in a more upright fashion, people will notice. Numerous studies show that people who walk faster are perceived as more important than those who walk at a slower pace.
It is also known that people who walk with shoulders back and a longer stride are less likely to be accosted on the street. Therefore, you can influence how your message is perceived simply by putting some pep in your step. Of course, because you are anxious to complete your life
goals, you are anxious to complete your goals.
Practice good posture
In order to appear to have more self-confidence, practice good posture. Keep your shoulders back and your head held high. Make sure to look the person that you are communicating with in the eyes. This tends to make the other person more confident in your abilities which will give your own self confidence a boost.
If you need to build your self-confidence, listen to a motivational podcast or find an inspirational message online. Everyone is motivated by different messages, but a few people that you may want to consider listening to include Eric Thomas, Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Nick Vujicic, Zig Ziglar and Dr. Wayne Dyer.
Creating a gratitude list
When you are feeling particularly timid, then try creating a gratitude list. Simply grab a piece of paper and make a list of all the things that you are most grateful for in the world. In fact, researchers know that setting aside a portion of each week to write in a gratitude journal has amazing results.
Guard against Negativity
Guard yourself from speaking negatively about yourself as well as other people. Your mother really was right, if you do not have something positive to say about someone, then say nothing at all. The effect of saying negative things about others is not only that you tear down their self-worth, but you destroy your own as well.
The Chinese general and strategist said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” This includes the battles you will fight with yourself when you feel those negative thoughts cropping up. Imagine each negative thought as a bug and then stomp on it, mentally of course.
Once you’ve squashed that negative though out of existence, replace it with something positive. Be vigilant about watching for these negative bugs, they will creep out when you least expect it.
Communicate now and now means immediately
If you are delaying communicating a message, then it really is time that you speak up. Ninety percent of the time, you will discover that people respect you more when you take a stand even if they do not agree with your point of view. Realizing this greatly enhances your self-worth.
No I am not turning into a physical fitness adviser. People who work out on a regular basis are much more likely to feel better about themselves. When a person works out, the body produces happy hormones that naturally makes a person feel better.
Therefore, make sure that you are planning a time to work out on a regular basis regardless of how busy your schedule.
Feel Pride in your contribution
Finally, you must realize that each person makes an important contribution to the overall success of a project. That includes you. Therefore, make sure to feel pride in your contribution to any project. Now that you are feeling confident about yourself, you are in a much better position to communicate with others.
Appreciation is a must do art
Start each communication with praise and honest appreciation. Everyone that you communicate with does something very well. Identify what you like about that person first and last.
If you must deliver a negative message, then put it in the middle. Soften the blow by giving them a compliment before suggesting that there is something they’ve done that isn’t exactly what you were asking for. Never tell someone directly that they are making a mistake. Instead, tell the person that their work might be better for another purpose.
One big Indian organization (sorry I can’t name them) does this effectively when they must let an employee move into other project. They call the employee into the office without any other people around and tell the employee that they are not right for the given project and can excel in another.
They then tell the employee that they really hope that they find a team where their skills will be useful. Since they have not told the person that they do not have any skills, many players have gone home, worked on their skills, and come back to successfully contribute for another team.
If you bark orders, then people get their feelings hurt. Instead, of barking orders, use questions to encourage others to do what you need them to do. Do not allow yourself to become a drill sergeant in an army. Instead, figure out how to ask questions that will get people to do what you want them to do.
Orders don’t work anymore
Let’s assume that you are leading a team project and one of your employees is not doing what he needs to do on time. Yet, the employee comes to you wanting to take a long weekend off.
Instead of telling him no, see if you can come up with a solution that will make you both happy. Start by asking if the employee’s work has been completed. Even though you know the answer, this gives the employee the chance to tell you the truth. Then, ask what it would take to get the work complete.
In many situations, it does not matter when the work is done, but that it is done. This also allows you to be certain that the employee has the resources needed to complete the job. Using questions to allow people to come up with their own solutions ensures that you are creating a win-win situation.
Allow others to save face
Good communication allows the other person to save face. Everyone has areas of weakness. Sometimes these areas must be addressed. Therefore, think about how you can do it so that the other person can save face. Many conversations become argumentative, because of one person’s desire to put another person down.
Do not fall into this trap. Think of a way that allows the other person to save face in every conversation even if they are wrong. In order to do this, time your conversation very carefully.
A conversation that happens in haste often leaves the other person angry. Be very clear about your intentions by showing the other person that you really do have their best interest at heart.
Facts over opinions
While you may have very strong opinions on a subject, make sure to stick to the facts. Make sure that you do not consider your opinions fact. Leave yourself open to the possibility that other things may be occurring that you do not see.
Make sure that you are being an active listener, you can check our active listening guide to build your active listening skills.
If you must deliver a tough message, then make sure to give the other person time to digest the information. Check back with them after a day or so to see if they have any additional information or questions that they want to discuss.
While staying true to your own message, find a place in your heart to truly care about the other individual. The old adage is really true, when you are pointing your finger at someone else, realize that you have three fingers pointing back at yourself.
Therefore, before you communicate, make sure that you are attending to your own business. Everyone has weaknesses, so take steps to identify your weaknesses and let those around you see that you are working on them.
Develop self confidence to speak effectively is a skill that is gradually built over a period of time. Your self-confidence should foster confidence in others and not put them down is something you must always remember.
The tools given above will provide you with enough head start to make it faster and more effective. Please so share the article if you like it to encourage us to come up with several such articles.